Motormouth: Bigger is better in the world of cars, especially if the driver is a bit small

Published by on . Updated on 29 Jan 2024

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If you’re a little driver, better drive a big car so you won't be bullied in traffic. 

This is my own automotive theory, thought up by my big-boy brain which never really outgrew my teenage years.

For instance, my simple mind still equates product dimensions with product excellence and associates quantity with quality. Sizeable playthings tend to stroke my ego, which becomes a bigger problem when overaged teenagers like myself have some means to obtain the playthings in question.

Simply put, C cup is better than B cup, which is better than A cup. Bigger eyes are greater windows to the soul, longer legs are sexier, longer hair looks lovelier. 

As for inanimate objects of affection, that 1:18 scale model car is better than a 1:43. A full-size bicycle is more fun than a folding bike. A “bigger” solid-state drive is superior to a “smaller” one. The bigger that LED TV screen, the brighter it seems. An upsized “pro max” smartphone is smarter and more useful than the regular versions.  

On the road where cars are life-size and occasionally larger than life, the stakes are higher. 

The bigger the car, the better, of course. The cut-and-thrust of city driving is like a vehicular battle zone where the combatants-on-wheels overtake or yield, and try to outrun or outgun one another. 

Superminis might get squashed, hatchbacks might be whacked, and sensible saloons might be knocked senseless. Only the monstrous motorcars survive, some even thriving at the expense of runabouts, which become road kill if they are unlucky or not careful. 

Therefore, if you’re a little driver, better drive a big car. However, if you’re a big driver who looks like a cross between a Hokkien gangster and a sumo wrestler, you can go right ahead and drive that little car. 

You’ll look comical behind the wheel, but no motorist would dare to laugh at you or cut you off in traffic, except a real 369 gangster, a professional wrestler or maybe a traffic policeman with a sense of humour. 

As for me, I drive a compact car and feel a bit unsafe on the road, surrounded by mostly bigger cars driven by drivers who are probably bigger/stronger than skinny me.

Editors%2 Fimages%2 F1702711436221 Twingo+Sumo+Duo+On+Top FotorBig drivers in little cars won't get bullied on the road.

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1 Comment

Peter Wee
Bullied maybe not so much. BUT safety wise, I have seen many drivers who can hardly see beyond their steering wheel or the nose of their car because their seats were positioned too low or they reclined too much. They are a danger to everyone and themselves.

5 months ago