Motormouth: GTI not beng enough for me

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Volkswagen’s signature hot-hatch didn’t turn me into a Euro ah beng behind the wheel.

The VW Golf GTI, specifically the Mk 5 version, didn’t power me from puberty to liberty in one turbocharged swoop, because two Italian pocket rockets had already done so — Uno Turbo and Punto GT.

The two Fiats were true espresso driving machines, because I really needed strong coffee sometimes to cope with the mental/mechanical stress of driving like an Italian nut job.

Then I tried the German pocket rocket which was the Mk 5 Golf GTI. It was quite a disappointment, because it didn’t turn me into a Euro ah beng who ate bratwurst for breakfast. 

Overnight, my hair colour didn’t change mysteriously from black to blond. My English didn’t degenerate further into Engrish, with a few German swear words added to my vocabulary. 

Most disappointing of all, whenever I looked in the GTI rear view mirror,  I didn’t see ang moh ah lians in hot pursuit, desperate to ride beside me in the ang moh sport car.

How I wished the VW GTI was beng to the bone, straight from the showroom. How I hoped my bengness was boosted by the turbo hot hatch.

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